EXTRA, EXTRA!!!

A HUGE congratulations to my precious cousin Emily, who gave birth to her second son, Whit, today, after being almost a week overdue. Below is the message her older brother Peter (an obviously super-talented newspaper writer) sent out this evening announcing his nephew's arrival. If this isn't the sweetest thing. :)

Hopefully, I'll have a picture or two to share soon. We love you guys!



Extra, extra! Read all about it! Whitman Emery Lamb born!!
Tom and Emily had a second little Lamb, little Lamb!
Debut hailed as triumph, without a “Whit” of doubt
A child went forth, a great poet once wrote, and America sings!

April 20, 2009
ONION STAFF

WILMINGTON, NC - Striding into the international spotlight with
princely charm and regal bearing, Whitman Emery Lamb entered the world
today to universal acclaim, inspiring worldwide celebrations and
heralding a new age of culture and enlightenment.

Thousands of revelers took to the streets in Sydney, Australia,
Boston, Massachusetts and across North Carolina to rejoice in the
newborn’s widely anticipated arrival, the Lamb’s second son.

In a commemorative section marking the occasion, the Wilmington
Star-News announced plans for a weekly column and blog chronicling the
boy’s adventures, and officials at the Walt Whitman Foundation said
the newborn’s name would help restore the renowned 19th-century poet
to his rightful prominence in literary history.

“The prize we sought is won,” said foundation president Kate
Kalleberg, a longtime family friend, quoting Whitman’s famous poem “O
Captain! My Captain.” “Talk about a transcendent moment! The people
are all exulting.”

In Massachusetts, the town of Whitman, a small bedroom community south
of Boston, declared his birthday an annual holiday, and fans of
legendary country singer Slim Whitman braced for a revival of his
jubilant yodeling style.

And for the second time in two weeks, residents of Chapel Hill, N.C.
flooded Franklin Street in a sea of Carolina blue, this time to
welcome the baby boy, who weighed in at an impressive 9 pounds, 8
ounces.

“The Tarheels’ winning it all was sweet, but this is even sweeter,”
said Melissa Schworm, Whitman’s aunt, as she splashed blue paint on
her friends. “UNC’s won two championships in the last four years, and
I’ve gotten two new nephews in the last two!”

Later, in an interview over a chocolate Frosty at Wendy’s, Schworm
said she was looking forward to playing Skee-Ball with young Whitman
at Chuck E. Cheese, a kiddy pizza emporium she recently visited with
Emily and Colin Lamb, a precocious 1-year-old.

“Pizza and Skee-Ball with Colin and Whitman, I like the sound of
that!” Schworm said, nodding in satisfaction. “And a Whitman’s
chocolate for dessert!”

Basking in the glow of new parenthood, Emily and Tom Lamb said they
were overjoyed by the birth of their second son and felt doubly
blessed.

“Did someone say double? That’s a good idea! Make mine a double!”
Emily Lamb shouted to a neonatal nurse, according to hospital sources.
“Two kids under two? I’m going to need it.”

Tom Lamb, beaming with pride over his new son, also celebrated a new
era in the Lamb household, noting that Whitman had tipped the gender
balance decidedly in the males’ favor.

“Three to one now! That’s a filibuster-proof majority,” Tom Lamb
exclaimed, as he gave Colin Lamb a high-five. “This gives us a huge
opportunity to advance our political agenda. This house is going to
look like a sports bar in a few days.”

Told about the plans, Emily Lamb, however, claimed veto-power over all
decisions related to home décor.

In an interview from the hospital, Colin Lamb said he was proud of his
new big-brother status, and would do his best to show Whitman the ways
of the world.

“Take the stairs slow, remote’s on the coffee table, juice boxes are
in the fridge,” he said. “This isn’t rocket science - we live in a
beautiful house near the beach! Just stick with me, kiddo.”

Laura Townsend, Whitman’s grandmother, reportedly shed tears of joy
over the arrival of her second grandson, and said the newborn’s name
“had the ring of royalty.”

“Like an English duke or a Scottish laird,” she exulted. “I’m going to
buy him a sailor suit right away. Aw, my little prince.”

Bill Schworm and Denise Doiron, Whitman’s grandparents and economists
at the University of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia, said
Whitman’s distinguished name made him an excellent candidate for a
future in academia.

“Very professorial,” Schworm nodded approvingly as he prepared a vast
collection of music for the infant that featured Tom Waits and Muddy
Waters. “Sure to impress at the faculty club. Just needs some sleeve
patches on his PJs.”

Whitman’s birth sent a shockwave through the athletic world, sending
recruiters scrambling toward Wilmington for a first glimpse of the
newborn. Waiting patiently outside the maternity ward, Roy Williams,
the coach of the champion men’s basketball team at the University of
North Carolina, said he would do whatever it took to make Whitman a
Tarheel one day.

“Tom Lamb was a strong Division I player, and Wilmington, let’s not
forget, is the home of Michael Jordan,” Williams said. “Plus Whitman
College is already hot on his trail, so I figured I’d better get a
toehold. I even brought a UNC championship onesie.”

The baseball world stood on similarly high alert. Trot Nixon, a former
Red Sox star and neighbor of the Lambs, promised to take the child
under his wing as a protégé. He felt a special kinship with the boy,
he explained, because of their shared four-letter nicknames.

“My full name is Trotman, but everyone always called me Trot,” he said
in a lengthy interview at a Wilmington sports pub in which he
reminisced with a Boston-based reporter over many of his greatest Red
Sox moments. “Whit from Whitman, that’s the same thing! So I think
we’ll be fast friends.”

Because of their closeness in age, the boys will share a deep bond,
child development specialists said, and are poised to become a
formidable tandem.

“Colin and Whitman go together like Country & Western,” said Bob
Schworm, Emily Lamb’s uncle, in an interview from a Chapel Hill social
club, the Dead Mule. “They are imposing enough on their own, but
together I’m not sure how you can hope to contain them. I foresee
dominance on a global scale.”

Kara Schworm, the infant’s aunt and an Irish descendant, noted that
the boys’ proximity in age nearly makes them “Irish twins,” and
predicted they would be powerfully drawn to the Emerald Isle.

“The one across the Atlantic, not the beach in North Carolina!” said
Schworm, whose maiden name is O’Leary. “They’ll be honorary citizens!
Plus a sip or two of Guinness will put them right to sleep when they
are cranky. It works for my husband!”

Reached for comment at the Burren, a Boston-area Irish pub, Peter
Schworm, Whitman’s uncle, said that if anyone could handle a whirlwind
toddler and a newborn, it was his beloved sister.

“I remember the day Emily was born like it was yesterday, though I
couldn’t have known then that she was born to be a mother,” Schworm
said between Guinness toasts to the Lamb family and their newest
member. “But I’ve seen living proof.”